“Gospel-Shaped Marriage: Grace for Sinners to Love Like Saints” by Chad and Emily Van Dixhoorn. A Review

 

When this 160-page paperback came in the mail, “Gospel-Shaped Marriage: Grace for Sinners to Love Like Saints,” I quickly snatched it up to check the table of contents. There it was. The very thing I had been looking for through almost 46 years of marriage, and it was in the appendix, “How to Change Your Spouse in Three Easy Steps”. I immediately flipped there and was thrilled with the shrewd depth of wisdom contained in that appendix, and knew I was going to love the book, which I did! Chad Van Dixhoorn, professor of Church History at Reformed Theological Seminary in Charlotte, NC., and his wife, Emily Van Dixhoorn, pulled off a veritable coup d’état against prevailing marital regimes and nuptial schemes in this small volume. Alistair Begg, who penned the foreword, explains the strategy therein clearly, “Instead of denouncing the darkness, which is easy to do, the social climate presents us with an opportunity to shine as lights in the world…viewing marriage in the context of the gospel” (10).

 

To put it succinctly, this little manual is about Christian marriage that knows it’s Christian and wants it all to be Christian. Short, sweet, humorous and honest, this volume makes its way over and through all the right obstacles to come out at the finish line (a little mud-run analogy, there). The Bible, history, grace, men and women, winning, family, the bedroom, and growth to the end. And it does this with the help of another author from 400 years earlier, William Gouge.

 

The Van Dixhoorns take up three primary passages of Scripture, the normal suspects. Genesis 1-3, Ephesians 5:21-33, and 1 Peter 3:1-7. And 1 Corinthians 7 makes a brief entrance. Their approach is not laborious and lengthy, but an enjoyable read that generates instances of serious reflection, but also “Oh, that’s what’s going on in that passage” or “Ah, now I understand what happened in that circumstance” types of moments. And through it all there is peppered the authors’ good-humored exchanges and musings. Not only do they help readers see how to avoid EMOJIs (“Early Morning Orange Juice incidents – there’s a story in there), but also ways to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior – together.

 

The clear theme throughout the work is that our marriage – a marriage of two sinners saved by grace alone in Christ alone regardless of what we deserve – is intended to model the gospel. “The mystery is that Christian marriage is given the honor of illustrating the gospel itself” (72). Toward that end, I was quite pleased with their whole explanation of Ephesians 5:21-33. Not only is their discussion of submission very biblical and healthy, but also their explanation of the reasons for the duties for both the husband and wife given in that passage. One way to put it, as I have been saying at every wedding I have performed for the last 12 years, is that Christian marriage reflects the good news, by demonstrating the sacrifice of the lover for the beloved.

 

So, yes. The wealth of wisdom in that appendix shone brightly through the whole manuscript. I have been looking for new material to use in my pre-marriage classes, and I do believe I found it. I highly recommend this book to you, and encourage you to grab a copy, and immediately hit that appendix. It’ll change your life and marriage forever.