"Bad Therapy" by Abigail Shrier. A Review-ish

 

We know things aren’t right. Something is off kilter, but instead of correcting course, we feel we are either adrift and unable to become moored to the dock or are on a hamster wheel that just keeps going round and we can’t get off. That’s what makes Abigail Shrier’s new book, “Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up” such a valuable book. Full of critique and analysis, Shrier shows how we’ve over-therapeuticized our kids, and have given up our parental responsibilities to the professionals: “We parents have become so frantic, hypervigilant, and borderline obsessive about our kids’ mental health that we routinely allow all manner of mental health expert to evict us from the room” (xiv-xiv). This 320-page hardback also comes in Kindle and Audiobook formats for those who find them easier.

 

Since there are hundreds upon hundreds of reviews by readers available, I’ll simply make some quick observations. The work is long on critique and diagnosis, and short on remedy. Most of the “how do we fix this” might be intuited from her critical analysis, yet it seems that taking responsible steps to reverse trends with workable solutions may not have been at the forefront of the author’s mind. Further, there are times when Shrier is so terribly focused on proving her point that she over-reaches, and at times presents a much more sinister picture than what is actually there. And as a reader works through the book, if they come to think that all therapy is bad and all therapists are THE problem, they can be excused because that’s the notion the author gives.

 

With all that said, “Bad Therapy” has solid value. What Shrier points out is important for all parents, pastors, school administrators, and others who are concerned about our kids and grandkids. Here are a few samples: 

• There can be a negative impact from therapy. There are “Iatrogenesis” effects from therapy, harm that originates with the healer. 
• “Parents often unwittingly transmit their own anxiety to their kids” (40); an evaluation she notes often throughout the book. 
• The role of allowing our kids unrestrained access to social media is a huge part of the problem. For example, “If school mental health experts actually wanted to repair our kids’ mental health, the first thing they would ban is smartphones during the school day” (243). 
• “We’re making our kids more fearful and less tolerant of the world” (52). 
• Parents are not disciplining their kids but trying to be their friends and therapists. And if their children are having struggles, parents too quickly get them in to see a counselor. And too quickly reach for prescription drugs to remediate. 
• “Therapy can hijack our normal processes of resilience, interrupting our psyche’s ability to heal itself, in its own way, at its own time” (9). 
• Our children need more responsibility, and to deal with the consequences of their actions or inactions.

There’s more, and much of it has to do with our parenting approaches and perceptions, and our social pressures to see all of our kids’ actions, mental evaluations, disobedience and disrespect from a psychological, therapeutic framework. As I stated earlier, with a little reflection, “how do we fix this” can be intuited from her critical analysis. It’s a book worth reading and thinking through.