A Prayer in the Face of Suicide

 


(My heart breaks for a friend of mine as I write this.)

O LORD, God of my salvation, I cry out to you in this time because salvation and hope seem so far away. The darkness is thick as mud. The dread is deep as a pit. I cry out with the Psalmist, "Is your steadfast love declared in the grave, or your faithfulness in Abaddon? Are your wonders known in the darkness, or your righteousness in the land of forgetfulness" (Psalm 88:11-12)? 

The way ahead seems lost in the haze. I have no where else to turn. "But I, O LORD, cry to you; in the morning my prayer comes before you. O LORD, why do you cast my soul away? Why do you hide your face from me" (Psalm 88:13-14)? My only comfort is that your Son has entered this darkness with me and for me, "Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?" (...) "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me" (Mark 15:34)?

Come, Lord, take this pain away. Come and remove the grief in my heart! Oh dear God, why? Why this? I feel with Job, "Remember that my life is a breath; my eye will never again see good" (Job 7:7). I raise my eyes and stand with Job to argue with you, "Therefore I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul" (Job 7:11).

O Lord, God of my salvation, I am mired in my grief. "Make haste, O God, to deliver me! O LORD, make haste to help me" (Psalm 70:1)!

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