"Is It Abuse" by Darby Strickland. A Review

 

Is It Abuse? A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims

Darby Strickland

P&R Publishing

Prpbooks.com

ISBN: 9781629956947; 16 September 2020; $19.99

 

Domestic abuse has been an important subject to me as a man, as a Christian, and as a Presbyterian minister, for several years. Therefore, I was delighted when Darby Strickland, a counselor and teacher at Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF), and Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing asked me to be part of a “launch team” for Strickland’s new 360-page paperback coming out in a few days: “Is It Abuse? A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims”. As soon as I received the electronic galley copy, I jumped in with both feet and was not disappointed. It is written in a comfortable style easily digestible by anyone who will take it up and read. But it is written primarily for those who desire to stand beside and help victims of domestic abuse. Therefore, the author aims to pass on to readers (1) what she has learned, so that we can have clarity about this issue; (2) to equip us to think biblically about oppression, and (3) to teach us how to be a trusted guide for those who are enslaved and ensnared (15). It seems to me she hits her target dead center.

 

After an encouraging foreword by Edward T. Welch, the book divides into three sections: understanding oppression, uncovering oppression, and upholding the oppressed. In the first section, Strickland explains why she uses the more biblical descriptor of “oppression” instead of “abuse,” which places this whole discussion more squarely in a Scriptural framework. Oppression is mentioned repeatedly in the Sacred Writings from one end to the other. A quick read over Psalm 9-10 shows how God feels toward the oppressed and what he thinks about the oppressor. Even though using the term “abuse” is universal shorthand, switching to oppressed and oppressor seems right, and helps to change the playing field for counselors and pastors.

 

Next, the author unfolds what domestic oppression is, what the oppressors are about, and what role we can play. Since one in four women experience intimate partner violence, the author will normally speak about women, but what she writes can also apply to men who are battered and coerced by their wives (I’ve seen this firsthand more than once). But, honestly, what Strickland describes as oppression and what the oppressor is after has implications far beyond her immediate subject matter. In an unhealthy, harmful, repressive environment, the oppressor “pursues their own self-interests by seeking to control and dominate the other through a pattern of coercive, controlling, and punishing behaviors…No matter what form oppression takes, its intended outcome is the same: to punish and wound a victim so that an oppressor gets their world the way they want it. An oppressor’s behavior says, “Serve me or suffer the consequences!” (24). These first five chapters can actually be given as counseling homework for those being harmed, to help them see and define their experience.

 

In the second portion of the book the author uncovers five categories of abuse and gives each class its own chapter. There’s physical abuse, sexual, emotional, spiritual, and financial. One take-away from this segment of the book is that we’re to see patterns, not one-time-climactic episodes. As each incident and situation is compiled with others, we can begin to comprehend the actions for what they are: not episodic experiences, but a lifestyle choice. The oppressor makes a habit of these actions. Another lesson learned is that, though there may be anger involved, yet the abuser/oppressor doesn’t act out of anger: “the

perpetrator of violence is not “out of control.” It is quite the opposite—an oppressor uses violence in order to maintain control” (128). That is a huge observation! There is also this, when we trip over financial abuse and see it for what it is, we find that it usually opens the door for us to see the other types of abuse going on (237). All the way through these chapters Strickland is crystal clear that oppressors “are masters at acting like victims and making their spouses believe that it is their fault the oppressor is angry or hurt” (182) and that the oppressed didn’t do anything to deserve this treatment!

 

The last section of the book describes and guides readers in ways to be a real help to mothers and their children and assisting them towards freedom. The author’s sense of danger for the oppressed comes through lucidly in each of these two chapters, and is an observation that readers need to take to heart: oppressors can become more dangerous as their spouses seek liberty. In fact, sometimes the oppressor’s actions will pick up at the level of intensity and harm where it left off at the last incident. Therefore, deliverance “often has a wilderness experience attached to it; it takes time for God to restore and redeem what has been broken” (290).

 

There are six highly important and useful appendices that pastors and counselors can use at the end of the book. But also, throughout the entire manuscript there are breakout resources for training helpers, and useable tools – assessments and inventories. I think that 1.1 – What God Says about Oppression, and 8.4 – A Note to Pastors and Elders, were both extremely vital.

 

“Is It Abuse” is an essential read! There is so much I couldn’t cover in this review, but hopefully what I have pointed out will demonstrate why you need this volume. Not only should counselors grab up a copy, but even parents and friends of the oppressed. And pastors especially should get themselves their own text, and with highlighter and pen in hand, mark this thing up, jotting down notes throughout. Not only will you find the information valuable in the area of domestic abuse, but with a little reflection it will open your eyes to other forms of oppression that are going on around us. This is a must-read and I highly recommend it.

 

My thanks to Darby Strickland and P&R Publishing for putting me on the “launch team” and providing me an electronic copy of this book. There were no stipulations made on me, no hostage-taking going on, and no bribes offered. I can say with all honesty and integrity that this evaluation is all mine, freely made and freely given. I’m sold on the book!