"Getting Over Yourself" by Caroline Spencer. A Review

 

The title, "Getting Over Yourself: Developing a healthy self-reflection habit to serve those around you" caught my attention immediately. Sometimes in ministry one just wants to say to people, "You just need to get over yourself!" This little manual is authored by Caroline Spencer, a graduate of Moore Theological College in Sydney Australia, who has spent the last 20 years working in Christian ministry. It's a short evaluative, self-evaluative, group-evaluative work. It's only mildly technical but easy to grasp.

The work is almost a workbook in it's approach. It is meant to be used individually and collectively, such as a ministerial collaborative. The point - and every piece of it is geared to this point - is "asking ourselves challenging questions about ourselves, especially in the light of how we relate to others and how we can better serve them" (25). The author uses several personal and fictional examples to show how to gain from this guidebook.  The format walks readers through four steps that need serious assessment.

One takes a circumstance that was traumatic or stressful or didn't end well, First, he or she spends time describing what happened. Then that person explores what was going on inside them, to them, from inside their own head and fears, worries, etc. Next, there is an evaluation on what are opportunities for growth in that circumstance. Finally, the plan to put into practice what has been learned and concluded. The trick is to watch out for self-preservation! "Or natural urge is to protect ourselves...The problem is that we are less likely to arrive at genuine self-knowledge if we are self-protective. Humility is the antidote to self-protectiveness" (27).

The whole project is written and formatted to make it useable for anyone, and even for different settings. In fact, the whole "Identifying Personal Values" section was insightful. We all have unannounced, assumed values that move us. As Christians, we would hope they are biblical values, but the reality is that they may actually be idolatrous ones that cause us to make train wrecks of our relationships. They may actually fall into the "fight...flight...freeze...or fawn" spectrum (42).

All-in-all, I appreciated the idea and point of the book. I would have liked to see some ways to use this in pre-marriage counseling and a few other settings. It's a book I recommend to counselors and pastors trying to help someone get out of self-sabotage mode.