"Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. A Review
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
"Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" is 432 pages of empowering enlightenment! Here is a volume written by an author who has over 20 years working with abusive men and domestic abuse. Bancroft provides the reader with very simple-to-grasp concepts of abuse, what is happening in an abusive relationship, and the goals of an abuser.
Through the numerous chapters Bancroft leads readers into the different facets of power, control, manipulation, entitlement, and others, to expose how abusers think. The author gives many examples of the ways victimizers minimize their own wrongdoing, shift the blame, retaliate and punish, and never truly take responsibility for their particular faults. As he notes, the abusive mindset is fueled by the attitudes and values of ownership (he owns you); entitlement (he is entitled to you, and to have his way); and thus, control. There are many other characteristics and ploys the author unearths that are very helpful.
"Why Does He Do That?" is not an easy read, per se, simply because of the topic. But it is highly readable. I read most of it to my wife throughout the last week, which led us into some important discussions and reflections with regard to our experiences over the past few years. Though I would disagree with some of Bancroft's ideas about the making of an abuser, in the end, I highly recommend this book for parents of adult children, women in very intense relationships where they often live in fear of their spouses, clergy, and counselors.
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